Engelbrecht Again! by Rhys Hughes

Author:Rhys Hughes [Hughes, Rhys]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Literature & Fiction, Humor & Satire, Humorous, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Fantasy, General Humor
ISBN: 9780979633546
Google: YkX1LAAACAAJ
Amazon: B00JE9VV38
Publisher: Dead Letter Press
Published: 2008-05-14T22:00:00+00:00

10: A Sandal Waiting to Happen

It was our first visit to America. I’d heard so much about it and was beside myself with excitement. No, the Id was beside me, which is an even weirder turn of phrase. He had ordered a forge to be erected under the Statue of Liberty. We weren’t going to repair her, which was fortunate, because very few members know what the lower half of a woman looks like. I’m an exception to this rule and I’ll let you in on the secret: it’s scaly and finned. That’s my experience, anyhow. We were melting down the Id’s monolithic osmium boot. Most of us had left ours behind in Atlantis, and we kept springing high into the sky with each step. That’s not a very dignified way of proceeding and we’d voted for it to cease.

There was enough metal available to cast new boots for all of us. It meant the Id had to go barefoot, or rather barestockinged, but he’s almost as generous as he’s heavy. The formerly impressive channels of New York harbour had closed up and its islands were stranded high and dry. The eastern parts of the city had been pulled under the Atlantean shelf, so the Statue of Liberty was now the first wonder of America to greet the overland traveller, as once it had inspired the immigrants arriving by ship. When our new footwear was cool and ready, we packed up the forge and headed into the concrete rainforests of Manhattan. It was a scene of pure devastation, and the Id suggested we attempt to adulterate it by friendly contact with the most amicable natives.

But they kept fleeing whenever they saw us. Engelbrecht’s comet had knocked down many of the most imposing skyscrapers and the surviving inhabitants had reverted, or in some cases evolved, to a state of fearful savagery. I think they mistook the Id for a new style of god. Chippy de Zoete nudged me and confided that we might set up our own empire here in a single afternoon. The Id overheard him and grew annoyed. We weren’t here, he pointed out, to play Aztecs and Conquistadors, but merely as tourists on one stage of our global tour. However, he conceded it was a game worth adding to our list of approved sports, for use at a later date. Now it was time for lunch. New York has a reputation for food second to none and we grimly licked our lips in anticipation.

Maybe that gave the locals the wrong idea. Restaurants and delicatessens were instantly vacated at our approach and even street vendors saw fit to hide. We couldn’t get decent service anywhere. I passed an abandoned newspaper kiosk and stole a copy of the Fly Paper. That was immoral of me, I know, and it would have had terrible consequences if the Id had witnessed it. Not the theft, I mean, but the front page headline. Imported papers in America are clearly even more out of

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.